I have had a few conversations with different people in the last couple of weeks – do any of these strike a chord with you?
- I’m not good enough
- I’m just lucky / I was in the right place at the right time
- I can’t do what he/she does
- I don’t deserve this
- I wish I could do that
- Someone will find me out
- And so on
The reality is that most – no ALL – of the time the people I have been talking to do have the skills and the knowledge but they are being held back by their own self-belief – or at least the lack of it!
Well you’re not alone. Studies have shown that up to 70% of people (I’ll come back to that in a moment) experience some feeling of being a “fraud” at some point In their career. Anyone up for putting their hands up?
So – is there a gender gap? It would appear that the data says that there is – I guess that might be what you expected? Do you think that men (in general) just fake it till they make it while women (in general) suffer more self-doubt.
There are also studies that point to women not applying for jobs unless they think they are at least a 90% fit whereas men will apply for jobs when they have a much lower proportion of the required skills. There are also studies which point to racial differences too.
There is a book – The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Valerie Young – which explores the reasons for Impostor Syndrome and offers some ways to mitigate it.
So – what to do about it!
The short answer is – think differently!!
However, that’s easier said than done so the author has ten suggestions – note that people often come to her looking for some kind of “miracle” – the thing is you have to change your thinking – there isn’t a magic pill!
So – here we go:
- Come out and admit it – give it a name – own it!
- Separate how YOU feel from the facts – just because you feel that way doesn’t mean it’s true
- OK if you are in a brand-new situation, it’s normal to feel “fraudulent” or out of your depth – it doesn’t mean you’re not up to it
- Don’t be a perfectionist. No really – don’t obsess over getting something 100% right – sometimes you just need to go with it
- Think differently about “failure” – making mistakes gives you an opportunity to learn – so learn!
- It’s OK to have an off-day – give yourself permission!
- Change your language – instead of saying “Wait till they find out I can’t do this” say “I maybe don’t know all the answers but I am continually learning and I am improving”
- Visualise success – this is what sports people do – I do it when my serve is off. I stand and visualise a perfect serve – you can do the same in life or in business – imagine that presentation is going to be perfect!
- Reward yourself – tell yourself when something has gone well – celebrate your successes! (One of the reasons we have Wednesday Win!)
- Here it comes – Fake it till you make it – NOOOOOOO – even the author hates the phrase – and I only put it forward here as a convenient way of getting the point across – SO – don’t wait till you FEEL confident – just get out and do it. Here’s the thing – DO the thing and then once it’s done, and it’s not a disaster then you can give yourself that pat on the back – and next time, yes you will be confident!
She talks about people coming to her wanting to “feel” different – to not feel an impostor – but her point is you have to change the behaviours in some or all of the ways I have described – and THEN the feeling comes! There are a number of people in the group who specialise in offering help for confidence issues – and they can help if that is what is required. But perhaps the first step you can take yourself – if you’re “one of them” is to DO first = do that presentation, write that blog – go live on facebook – and you will probably find it’s easier than you think.